I think of death and how it looms for us all
and it makes me want to live as much of life in a state of happy
and CHOOSING the things that make me so.
I often come across people who tell me I can’t,
they tell me I can’t choose what makes me feel good at all times, because that might hurt others
I and feel blessed,
because I don't have to convince anyone otherwise.
I was so over reminding people
that we are not responsible for anyone else's thoughts, feelings or actions
only OUR OWN
and so fuck the rest and follow your heart
I repeatedly wanted to scream at any person who would tell me they are doing something to keep another happy,
at the expense of their own happiness
actively choosing to suffer for the sake of another?
who wins there?
NO-ONE - that's fucking who
you are doing a disservice to yourself for not honouring you
and a disservice to the other,
for not letting them have their own experience
who is to say your love is beneficial for that person or the situation
maybe your love is the thing destroying them
in sacrificing yourself for the sake of another
you are actually making all things worse
-bet that's one you hadn’t considered
what if in the act of honouring yourself
you gave the other the freedom to honour themselves too
to be in situations that empowered them
to be the best versions of themselves
and maybe that means apart from one another
when the alternative is that you suffer for the sake of another.
that is a fucking awful way to live
sometimes I felt like I was going to explode
with the weight that I carried
having to be the example of what choosing myself looks like
of living a bold life
all for what
for you to stand at my funeral and say
“oh what a life she lived - what an example she was”
but today, I am happy, I feel truly blessed
to be that example