A friend of mine passed away last Sunday.
She had Cancer and lived over a year past her diagnosed prediction.
She also only just turned 25.
Someone super close to me said ‘death is always going to happen, and I just need to get used to it’.
I know he is right - but this one has felt different.
Last Monday I felt like I was 5 cents away from losing the plot, like truly losing the plot, and it really scared me because I have no idea what crazy Kaitlyn looks like.
I have so much love and support around me, and for this I am SO thankful, but I have decided to get extra help and support through counselling.
I am sharing this all with you today because I think there is a big stigma around getting counselling, often it is seen as being ‘weak’.
I have been through counselling before, when I was having trouble deciding whether my life was worth living - this time it feels very different. I no longer feel like a burden to this world and I find humanness has deliciousness to it - this time I am getting help because I’m confused to what the point is - to why I am here, to why we are all here. I am wondering why, in this lifetime, I chose to have death as a close teacher. In 26 years here I have attended almost the same number of funerals of people that I love dearly and have had impact on my life, and the lives of those around me.
I believe only the strong will seek help, its fucking terrifying but the ones who seek, they are the ones brave enough to know that not everything can be done alone.
I know 100% that I would not be here today if I did not reach out for help when I was 18, and now I see counselling as a tool that helps me to move forward in my life.
I do live a beautiful life, full of ups and downs, but always with the inner knowing that this is all happening as it should. For the moment I feel like I’ve lost my way and so I am being soft with my journey and surrounding myself with the support and tools I need.
I feel called to share this with you today and my hope in sharing with you is for you to remember that you are not alone here.
I wrote this for Gemma in July and I hope you like it too
there are often times
when we fall into the trap
of what they tell us
they tell us that we can't
do the thing
they tell us that we can't
have the thing
they tell us that our time
and that we have to make the most
of the time we have
and to all of them
we were born
with the universe inside
because of that
we will fight
in our power
in our greatness
we will prove you wrong
and through living out our lives in
you will whimper in your corner
at the power we unleash
May you be smiling above, in your joy and in your love
Love and Blessings,